If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
