She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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