It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
