I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
