he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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