At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
