I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
