he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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