clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
