dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
