I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
