I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
