She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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