Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
