i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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