I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We had sex on a dog bed..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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