I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
