dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
