What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
