Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
