Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
