what if every blade of grass was a penis?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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