I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
