I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
