guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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