You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
