worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
