Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
