it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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