whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
