So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
