They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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