we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
