We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
