She is in my trunk
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
