So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
