His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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