My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
