i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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