a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no you cant smoke seaweed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
