i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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