I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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