i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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