I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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