I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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