Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I forget how to act sober
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