i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
