I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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