He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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