i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
