Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
