we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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